How my now husband turned up and took me away from an abusive relationship

Well, this is a weird feeling… I don’t know why but I still feel uneasy sharing this chapter – even though I dressed it up with a (slightly) romantic title – it still leaves me feeling all the yuck feelings.

So, here’s the story of that morning I was stuck on the side of the road with all my belongings packed into my broken-down car. My stupid car that had been back and forth to the mechanics had let me down again and I was still 30mins drive away from work with clients booked in all day. I’d had hardly any sleep the night before as the boyfriend I was living with had thrown something at my head again, across the room after I must have said something that was unacceptable. I didn’t know what that thing was that I’d said, I hadn’t said it on purpose, I rarely challenged anything he said anymore – I knew better than that! Slowly over time I had adjusted my behaviour, without realising, to prevent any unwelcome responses. He would refer to me as ‘clumsy’, which is hilarious considering I had never been, up until that time. But I spent my life now walking on eggshells so much that I was constantly walking into door frames, chairs, tripping on the slightest obstacle on the floor... Giving him another reason to reinforce and prove just how stupid I was.

I am not stupid, I’ve never been stupid, but there I was, believing him and laughing along. That was the appeal in the beginning - he was funny, soooo funny, the absolute life of any party. Which was the opposite of my previous 5yr relationship with the reserved, considered and kind boyfriend. Only 23yr old me knows why I decided I needed a break from that, I certainly didn’t trade up…

Back to my dilemma on the side of the road. I had to make it into work and my car had to get towed back to the mechanics. Although, there were very few people I could think of to phone for help right at that moment, so I fell back into the ‘easiest’ solution and called my boyfriend. He had no idea I’d decided to leave him and had filled the car up with whatever I could fit into a 2-door sedan. The fact that he had snapped the night before had no bearing on how the following day was going for him - all was forgotten in his world, onwards and upwards, stop making a fuss over nothing. One of those sliding door moments, and a perfect demonstration of the type of person he was - he said no, he was too busy to help me, I had to work it out myself.

The only other person I could think of that might be out and about was my long-time friend Darren… he had a mobile car detailing business and was often driving from one side of town to the next. He was also a good person and always ready to help whenever he could. So, as soon as I phoned to ask if he was available to pick me up and take me into the city, he said he’d leave right away. He had no idea what had been going on with my boyfriend – I certainly hadn’t shared it with all my friends, it wasn’t something I was proud of, or something I thought anyone else could help me fix. But I guess he did that day, by agreeing to come and take me into work. When he arrived, I jumped up into the white van and I had no reason to go back to where I’d been living.

I decided to share this part of my life this week as it still surprises me that I found myself there - in a situation that someone thought it was ok to throw things at me, call me names and run me down until I believed it. I was grateful I realised reasonably early the path I was headed down wasn’t a good one if I stayed, but so many are stuck there for longer and in SO much worse situations than I experienced.

As we’ve mentioned on social media this last week – EVERY online sale in the month of DECEMBER 2021 $20 will go to RizeUp Australia. A very worthwhile cause supporting victims of domestic violence. Follow them on insta and facebook. The fabulous Ali Daddo and Jodie Oddy are helping us get the word out too, so give them a follow on insta too!

Much love,

Nicola xx